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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25566712">for the rest of our lives</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/weareinnoir/pseuds/takunism'>takunism (weareinnoir)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>JO1 (Japan Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, no beta we die like men, shosei has wings, thats it that's the fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 01:58:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,613</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25566712</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/weareinnoir/pseuds/takunism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>That night, when Shosei sneaks up to the roof of his apartment building and lets the wind carry him away, the images of twinkling eyes and a smile made to be photographed flash before his eyes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ohira Shosei/Shiroiwa Ruki, brief mention if rnkm, brief mention of uh. sukai/kishimoto yumeno</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>for the rest of our lives</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoseis/gifts">troublemaker (shoseis)</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's a bit of an ordeal, strapping his wings down in the morning, but it's one that Shosei is more than used to; it takes a lot of effort and a lot of first-aid bandages to give himself a human-shaped silhouette, and it <em>hurts</em> like hell. But god, what'd happen to him if he let them show? He pulls on a thick sweater, one of his usual dark green ones — it'd definitely be too hot, at this time of year, to wear a sweater normally, but <em>normally</em> isn't a privilege Shosei gets to indulge in.</p><p>It isn't like Shosei hates the wings he was born with. Quite the opposite, actually — when he's by himself and can spread them, and on the rare occasions it's safe for him to grab on to a current and soar, he <em>loves</em> them. There is no feeling on earth like catching the wind and <em>riding</em>, letting his instincts take over, watching the people below him, or staring so close to white clouds and a clear blue sky that it's like he can reach out a hand to touch it. Those times — as rare as they've been, since he started university — make things worth it. </p><p>But the rest of the time, when he has to pretend to be a normal person solely so that he doesn't end up locked up in a government facility — Shosei sighs, checking the work in his mirror. Perfectly hidden, as usual. He practices walking forward and backwards, like he's like everyone else — it never hurts to brush up on his skills. </p><p>He can't have friends. He certainly can't be in any kind of romantic relationship — the risk is too great. As a trade off, he supposes, he can fly. </p><hr/><p>Shosei can't have friends, and he can't date, <em>but</em> — there is one source of human contact that he <em>treasures</em>. He's loved photography ever since the first time he held a camera in his hands, and now, all these years later, it's still his passion. In fact, it's landed him a gig for the Lapone University newspaper's Instagram, doing the "Humans of the Campus" posts. </p><p>It's no substitute for <em>actual</em> friendship, but among other things, it pays. Sunlight filters in through the library's large windows, and Shosei feels right at home; he gazes at the bluer-than-usual early autumn sky with a tiny smile, imagining what that sunlight would feel like on his back, before setting to work. The library, at least at the beginning of the academic year, is great for scoping out potential articles; all he has to do is find someone to interview. He looks around — there are groups studying and chatting, some people with their noses deep in books, and...</p><p>That's when his eyes fall on Shiroiwa Ruki.</p><p>You'd be hard-pressed to find someone on campus who doesn't know Ruki, at least a little — his YouTube channel has, what, as many subscribers as there are students enrolled? He has the voice of an angel, not to mention the looks of a prince. Shosei's mildly surprised there's no hoard of admirers surrounding him, but no — he's simply writing in a black leather journal at a table by himself. He's not even wearing headphones — the most popular guy on campus being by himself like this, it's... strange, to say the least. </p><p>It also just might be the story of a lifetime. Shosei can see the likes and comments adding up in his head — god, the editor in chief would be singing Shosei's praises forever. A tiny smile crosses his face as he grabs his camera and approaches Ruki. "Excuse me," he asks, voice the picture of politeness. "Shiroiwa Ruki?"</p><p>Ruki looks up from his notebook — he's clearly surprised, but his face looks open. He puts down his pen and raises his eyebrows. "...You're the Humans of the Campus guy, right? Oohira Shosei?" he says, by way of greeting. </p><p>Shosei raises his eyebrows. "You... actually know that?"</p><p>Ruki gives Shosei a reassuring smile. "Of course. Every post has a link to your Instagram — I like your photography. I don't like using Insta much, but the way you see the sky... it's kind of amazing."</p><p><em>Oh.</em> Well, that's... that's more of a response than Shosei was expecting. It's more of a response than he usually <em>gets</em>. (He's also vaguely grateful that Ruki doesn't ask him how he gets those shots.) "Um, thank you?"</p><p>"Yeah, of course. Do you want to sit down, or...?"</p><p>"No, yeah, sure." Shosei awkwardly pulls up a chair next to Ruki, sitting down as comfortably as possible and fumbling with his camera. "I was actually wondering if I could interview you for the page."</p><p>"I figured." Ruki smiles again. "And, yeah, of course. I'd love that — just make me look good, right?"</p><p>It's clearly a joke, and Shosei laughs. "Do I have your permission to record this?" he asks. </p><p>"Of course, of course. Do whatever you need to do."</p><p>Shosei nods, taking out his phone and opening the voice memos app. He quickly sets up his camera, and prepares his questions — it's always the same four. "Alright, well. To start things off, what are you most afraid of right now?"</p><p>Ruki lets out a low whistle, leaning back in his chair. "You really get to it, don't you?"</p><p>"Vulnerability makes honesty stand out," Shosei replies, echoing the words of his editor. "There's no need to answer if you don't feel comfortable —"</p><p>"No, I will." Ruki shifts in his seat. "Vulnerability... it's just something I've always had trouble with, I guess. I don't like showing just anyone all of me."</p><p>"Understandable enough," Shosei says, because <em>you don't know the half of it</em> would be rude.</p><p>Ruki thinks on the question for a little bit longer before he answers. "I guess... I mean, I'm a musician. I would guess you know that already, since you already know who I am."</p><p>"I do," Shosei confirms. </p><p>"And you know I used to be an idol?"</p><p>"...No, actually. Is that... common knowledge, or...?"</p><p>Ruki shakes his head. "I had a stage name and stuff. I wasn't about to get recognized in the streets, or anything — I certainly have yet to be recognized on campus by anyone. It's..." Ruki drums his fingers against the table, like he's trying to find the words, before he continues. "I don't want to say I'm <em>afraid</em> of failing on YouTube. But since I've been there before, it's not really a place I want to be in again." Ruki bites his lip. "Does that make sense?"</p><p>"It does, yeah," Shosei says, after taking a moment. God, Ruki's <em>eloquent</em> in a way he wasn't exactly expecting; he gets his point across in a way that has Shosei enraptured. "I understand where you're coming from."</p><p>Ruki smiles — his eyes seem to be glittering, they're so warm, and Shosei looks away. It's just an interview, after all, even if Ruki has a way of making him feel...</p><p>Nice. </p><p>He shakes his head to clear any stray thoughts before he continues the interview.</p><hr/><p>That night, when Shosei sneaks up to the roof of his apartment building and lets the wind carry him away, the images of twinkling eyes and a smile made to be photographed flash before his eyes.</p><hr/><p>The post on Ruki <em>does</em>, in fact, do excellently — even people who aren't students flock in to like and comment on it, and by the end of the week, the Lapone Tribune has an extra thousand followers. "I'm surprised you didn't get to him sooner, honestly," Sukai says, leaning over to look at Shosei's computer. Shosei likes the Arts &amp; Culture section editor enough, though it's not like they talk much outside of the newsroom, either.</p><p>"I mean, it's not every day you just see the campus prince by himself at the library. I got lucky," Shosei says, with a shrug. "He was just... studying, or something. Maybe writing lyrics?"</p><p>"Or avoiding his rabid fans."</p><p>"Something like that." Shosei leans forward — he'd lean back if it would involve his wings being crushed on the chair. "He was a good interview, too. I barely had to prod him, and he just... gave me that."</p><p>Sukai nods understandingly. "He liked you too, you know. Syoya was talking about it earlier — hold on, let me pull up the email..."</p><p>"He <em>what?</em>" Shosei rolls his chair over to Sinai's computer with one skillful kick. He can feel his face dusting over with pink, and there's a weird feeling in his chest, much to his frustration. God, it was <em>one interview</em>, and he's acting like a kid in puppy love. "What did he send?"</p><p>"An email, like I said," Sukai repeats. "It's very formal, even though he's essentially asking you out."</p><p>Shosei nearly snorts. "There's no way," he says, turning the computer's monitor to face him as his eyes flash over the text on the page. (Somehow, the fact that it's from Ruki's student email just makes the weird feeling in his chest intensify.)</p><p>
  <em>To the writers of the Lapone University Tribune:</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thank you for the feature in the Humans of the Campus section of the newspaper's Instagram. It's been beneficial for my YouTube channel, and it was also just an excellent experience on your part. In particular, the interviewing skills of Oohira Shosei are not to be discounted; he did a fantastic job making the experience comfortable.</em>
</p><p>"...He didn't have to say all that," Shosei mumbles, as he continues to scroll. </p><p>
  <em>If possible, I'd like to thank Mr. Oohira at the Seen Bean coffee shop on campus, and  further discuss future photography opportunities.</em>
</p><p>Shosei blinks once, twice — god, he is <em>actually being asked out.</em> Through the Lapone Tribune's "Contact Us" section. "...Has this happened before, ever?" Shosei asks, pretending that dumbfounded is the only thing he feels. </p><p>"I mean, I know Ren asked Takumi out through the classifieds section, but I don't think that's the same thing."</p><p>"He actually... wow." Shosei rolls his chair back, frowning. "One interview and he was <em>that</em> impressed..."</p><p>"Well, are you going to go for it?"</p><p>"What? No." Shosei shakes his head — he liked talking to Ruki plenty, but he <em>can't</em> get too close. "That's not... even going to come close to happening."</p><p>"Why not? I know it's not that you don't like guys," Sukai says, frowning. "And he's... I mean, objectively, one of the most handsome dudes I've ever seen."</p><p>"You'd better not let Yumeno hear you say that," Shosei deflects. </p><p>"That's not the point. I mean, it's free coffee —"</p><p>"I don't like coffee."</p><p>"And if he doesn't buy you a treat, like, a pastry or something, he's crazy. Just <em>do</em> it, dude. Think about your portfolio."</p><p>Shosei bites his lip; taking photographs for a successful YouTuber would certainly be a bit of a boost for future gigs. Thinking about it solely from an economic perspective — from the perspective of someone who can't work for a university newspaper forever — it would make sense to at least hear Ruki out.</p><p>(And from the perspective of someone who's long past starved for actual companionship — the <em>forwardness</em> of Ruki's letter is so damn <em>inviting</em> that he wants to take off and do a few laps around campus. It's not a feeling he allows himself, as a rule, and it's... really, really good, now that he's let it settle.)</p><p>So Shosei sighs, pretending that it's a laborious effort to email Ruki back and arrange a date.</p><hr/><p>"Thanks for meeting with me," Ruki says, demeanor as friendly as ever. "I kind of wasn't expecting you to."</p><p><em>I wasn't expecting myself to say yes,</em> Shosei doesn't say, instead responding with a small smile. "It's the least I could do. I owe you a coffee or something."</p><p>"For what?"</p><p>"For the extra followers on the Tribune page, I guess?"</p><p>Ruki laughs. "Nah, I owe you. Do you drink coffee, actually? I should've asked — my roommate Sho is maybe the biggest coffee snob on campus, I swear, and it's not like I don't enjoy a cup now and then, it's just... he's <em>crazy</em> about it. I wake up every morning to the sound of a coffee grinder."</p><p>The words, the entire avalanche of them, all seem to come out in one breath — he's <em>nervous,</em> Shosei realizes, and he laughs. "I was gonna get a milk tea," he admits. "And, um, I'm sorry about your roomie?"</p><p>A light blush dusts over Ruki's cheeks. "I think a milk tea sounds lovely. And maybe a coffee cake? We could split it."</p><p>"Deal."</p><p>Ruki orders and pays for the food, before sitting down across from Shosei at a table by the window. He takes a long sip of his Earl Grey before he speaks. "I didn't invite you here just to talk about your portfolio."</p><p>"...Oh." Shosei... isn't surprised, exactly, but there's an odd mixture of anxiety and excitement bubbling up in his stomach. "Then what did you...?"</p><p>"You're just... interesting," Ruki says, with genuine curiosity in his eyes. (Shosei tugs his sweater forward, suddenly afraid that the tops of his wings are showing.) "I like the way you photograph, and the way you interview. And I found it really easy to talk to you, even though we've barely actually done that. I found it easy to <em>open up</em> to you, and that's... that's not something that's easy for me."</p><p>He takes another sip of tea before he continues. "I'm fine with taking things slow, if that's what you want. Friends first, that whole shebang. And if I'm reading this totally wrong —"</p><p>"You're not," Shosei interrupts, so quickly that even he's surprised by it. "You're... not reading this wrong at all. But I would appreciate taking it slow."</p><p>He's aware, faintly, that the risk here is probably not worth the reward; maybe it's the sugar buzz pressing at his brain, or maybe he <em>actually</em> feels that connection with Ruki enough to risk it. He can feel his wings pressing against the bandages, against the back of his sweater — they flutter when he's nervous, or when he's excited.</p><p>At Ruki's smile — so handsome and so, <em>so</em> honest — they press even harder. </p><hr/><p>One meeting turns into a few; a few meetings turn into a lot, and as fall turns into winter, Shosei realizes that his crush on Ruki is probably more than what's safe. </p><p>But it's just so <em>easy</em> to be around Ruki; they bounce off of each other in a way that Shosei has truly never felt before. He likes the way Ruki looks at the world, the way Ruki <em>sings</em> and plays guitar. He likes the way that Ruki's photographs always turn out looking Pulitzer-worthy, even when he's just taking a picture of Ruki driving or eating — it's like he was made to be adored, just by being himself.</p><p>And yet, as large as the part of Shosei that really, <em>really</em> likes Ruki is, there's an equally large part of Shosei that feels like he's lying — not even a regular lie, but an <em>I'm not giving you all of the information</em> kind of lie. If anything, that just makes the wedge of guilt grow larger. </p><p>He's not normal — in one of the strangest ways he can think of, he is absolutely not like anybody else Ruki's ever met. And Ruki still doesn't know. </p><p>"There's something on your mind," Ruki says, snapping Shosei out of his trance. </p><p>"There's <em>not</em>," Shosei argues lamely, knowing full well that Ruki is perceptive enough to know that he's lying. </p><p>Luckily, Ruki's also perceptive enough to not push; "There's shortbread on your face," he says, instead. </p><p>Ruki's thumb brushes over Shosei's lips once — that does away with most of the crumbs — and a warmth settles somewhere deep in Shosei's chest. He has the sudden urge to reach out, to hold Ruki's hand close to his face —</p><p>He feels Ruki's thumb on his lips again, far slower this time, and Shosei's breath stops somewhere in his throat. Ruki's eyes aren't dark or cruel, but Shosei can't read the look in them, either; they're transfixed on Shosei's lips. Shosei's own eyes are trembling, and even though he'd rather die than look weak in front of another person, he's not sure that he can control it now. </p><p>"Let me just..." Ruki says, voice barely more than a whisper, keeping his hand on Shosei's face as he leans forward over the table. Shosei's eyes squeeze shut, while his heart moves at the rate of the train he takes home during vacation, and it's all <em>so much</em> that when Ruki's lips <em>do</em> finally press against his own, Shosei barely registers it.</p><p>And it's <em>good.</em> Brief, chaste, and maybe the best thing Shosei's felt in his life. It almost — <em>almost</em> — feels better than it feels to fly. </p><p>But that comparison, as soon as it enters Shosei's mind, is also what makes him draw back, so abruptly that the table shakes. His breath quickens, his whole body suddenly overtaken by a storm of nerves. </p><p>Ruki's reaction is hard to read. "...Was — was that too much?" he asks. </p><p>Shosei manages to shake his head. "...That's not... you aren't wrong. But I don't think you're right for the reasons you think you are." <em>I could pretend that I was just casually dating you until now,</em> he doesn't say. <em>Now it's real and I want to keep you safe.</em></p><p>"You can tell me anything, Shosei," Ruki says, reaching out his hand — Shosei jerks back. "I - is it something I did wrong?"</p><p>"No, I promise," Shosei says. "It's literally not you, it's me, as cliche as that sounds."</p><p>"Then what's wrong?"</p><p>Shosei's shoulders slump. "I... can't tell you."</p><p>"Shosei..."</p><p>"I — I do not know how to explain this to you further. I just can't tell you." He takes a deep breath, one that releases as a shuddery sigh. "I think... maybe it would be best if we took a break. Or something."</p><p>Ruki gets that look on his face — the one that says <em>I can see right through you, you know</em>, the one that's usually reserved for glaring at his friends's anticts. "You know you don't have to hide yourself around me, right?"</p><p>"You don't get it, Ruki," Shosei insists, frustrated. "This isn't — it's not — whatever you think I'm hiding from you, it's <em>not that.</em> I'm not a criminal, I'm not... <em>sick</em>... I just think that getting close to you was a mistake. It's too risky."</p><p>"<em>Please</em>," Ruki says. "I'll try to understand — I'll do whatever I can to support you if you'll just <em>let me.</em>"</p><p>Shosei can feel the bandages on his back nearly tearing. He's lived for twenty years with this secret literally breaking his back. Maybe it's time for someone to know the truth.</p><p>"Come back when the sun's down. I'll text you how to get on top of the building."</p><p>Ruki's expression changes. "Should I — you're not going to...?"</p><p>Shosei firmly shakes his head. "It's nothing like that. I promise. But what you see — you need to promise me <em>right now</em> that you'll take it to your grave."</p><p>Shosei can tell Ruki hears the seriousness in his voice; the older of the two nods. "I promise. Cross my heart."</p><p>He then picks up his things and leaves Shosei's apartment, leaving Shosei alone with his thoughts and his wings.</p><hr/><p>It's chilly on the rooftop, and snow is just beginning to fall, but Shosei's not bothering with a shirt; he wraps his wings around him like a blanket, and he waits. The sunset is gorgeous — if he'd been smarter, or less nervous, he would've brought his camera. He could at least get some nice photos out of what'll maybe be the last time he sees his favorite person on the planet. </p><p>He hears the jingling of the broken part of the fence, but doesn't bother turning around. He knows it's Ruki. "Shosei?" the older of the two calls. </p><p>"Over here," Shosei calls back, voice somehow small. </p><p>There's the crunch of footsteps on fresh snow, and then the sound of a sharp intake of breath. "...My god, Shosei..."</p><p>Shosei turns around to face Ruki, his full wingspan spreading out. "Here's what I couldn't tell you," he says, as tears sting behind his eyes. "Here's my big secret. This is why I made you promise. It's <em>dangerous</em>, Ruki, for anyone to know this — it's dangerous for <em>me</em> to get close to anyone."</p><p>Ruki is silent for a long moment. <em>This is it,</em> Shosei thinks, glumly. <em>Here's where he whips out his phone and sends me to a facility.</em> He closes his eyes, waiting for that moment to come. </p><p>A warm embrace around him is the last thing he expects. </p><p>"I've never dated an angel before," Ruki says; it's such a cheesy line that Shosei laughs, from the bottom of his belly. "<em>Shosei</em>.  This isn't something I was <em>expecting</em>, and I do have questions, but... I'd never, what, rat you out to the government? I <em>like</em> you, you idiot. I'm not going to do anything that'd endanger you. And I definitely won't tell anyone."</p><p>Tentatively — like Ruki could break if he was squeezed too tight — Shosei wraps his arms around Ruki back. "I'm sorry for doubting you."</p><p>"I understand why. It's never going to happen again, though, right?"</p><p>"Right," Shosei says.</p><p>"Now, can we go inside? Make hot chocolate, maybe? I'm cold."</p><p>"Absolutely," Shosei says, grinning. They'll have to talk about this... but for now, for a little bit, things are so, so much more than fine. He lets Ruki hold his hand as the two of them descend, and the smile on his face never leaves. </p><hr/><p>("Promise you won't drop me?" asks Ruki, his grin wide and wild.</p><p>"Not far enough to break you," Shosei jokes, before taking off into the wind with Ruki in his arms.)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>happy birthday koisuru fortune kukki &lt;3 title from "wings" by birdy but mostly written to doom days by bastille</p><p>next year i'll start this earlier &lt;3 for now i'm gonna go drink and play animal crossing</p><p>come bother me on twitter for being bad at writing: @jo1taku</p></blockquote></div></div>
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